Complete Turnaround

So the movie, was fantastic. I've always had a fascination with Sherlock Holmes, though not like one of my many other fascinations where I will look on every known website in order to learn every tidbit of information, to brag about later with my friends. This fascination has emerged from when I was a child, and saw the movie The Great Mouse Detective, where the characters are played out as fun critters. It is quite enticing if you ask me, perhaps you should look into renting the video. But this movie was nothing short of amazing, walking in I thought could it be as good as The Great Mouse Detective, I doubt it. But believe it or not, the movie had so much intricate twists that it definitely becomes a close rival!

As far as the date, I'd say as awesome as the movie :). I thought Valentines Day was going to suck, and honestly moving boxes in the morning with my cousin Jill really tired me out (Honestly I didn't do that much work so I don't understand why) But contrary to my other post, I totally agree with everyone. There are so many people in the world, and if one person doesn't want to be with me, then screw them. I'm not a person that enjoys being mean or giving anyone the cold shoulder, but after giving someone so many chances to talk to me, I've finally just given up.

I changed my relationship status to SINGLE!

So I'm ready to move on and find someone else. But I must say before I walked out the door to go on my date I had thought, should I send him one last message, to kind of sum up all my thoughts in a "Last Ditch Effort", but thank goodness I came to my senses. If no one wants to give me extra chances then why should I be so open to the idea of doing that for someone else?

All in all, Valentines Day was really fun, and I met a new guy, which is awesome, and he's totally cool, so be jealous :P

I currently feel.

I was going to write a long blog about how angry some people get me, but then "ignorance is bliss" for some. So instead of writing anymore tonight I think I'll just say:

Fuck this blog, I'm going to eat.

Shout-out to ma dawg Dylan :)

Valentines Day.

While going through all of the ridiculous questions on FormSpring, I was finally challenged with a more reasonable question;

Do you have someone for valentines day, and if not, do you want someone?

Even though many people just give a quick answer to this website, in an effort to be as vague as possible, I try to give a complete answer for all the questions I'm asked. I'm not talking about the idea of restating the question in my answer for my complete answer (as your fourth grade english teacher would have you believe is a complete answer) but just answering all points of the question, and go as in depth as I can, without being over the top with my answers.

I knew at some point, someone was going to ask me this question, wether it was on FormSpring, Facebook, text, or e-mail, someone was going to ask it, and even though I knew it was going to happen I was still caught off guard. If you're a close friend then you know this past week has been filled with what most people would refer to as "drama" or what I like to call "The Marathon of my fucking life" (Sorry about the profanity).

But in any case, many people will tell you that everyone is caught over-using the word "Love" and that we as people often throw it around as if it's some everyday thing (For lack of better phrasing). But in my defense, everyone is so quick to point out that you're too young to be in love, and that "you" don't know what love is, the first person you "fall in love with" isn't "the one" but just a stepping stone in life. But sometimes I just don't want to believe that.

I know it may sound unrealistic, but I'm a strong believe in love at first sight, and that everyone has someone in the world, and if you have found that person at age 18 rather then age 28 or as old as 58, then good for you.

"Life is a learning experience and sometimes we don't need as much practice as other people in order to get it right." - Dylan Mueller

So when this question was asked, I thought for a while, and if you'd take a look at my Facebook information section you'll notice that my status is currently "It's complicated", when a couple of weeks ago it read "Engaged". Everyday I ask all of my friends and family for advice about my relationship, I've always been one to dispense advice but can't seem to take it.

Sometimes where we are at and where we planned on being, will never intersect.

So do I have someone for Valentines Day? I don't think so, and if I do then the communication between us is so broken, that I can't even think. For so long in my life I wanted to be in a "long term relationship" and I finally got a taste of that and it has come to an end (or so it seems). Even though I try to think that I'll find someone, and that eventually I'll find "The One" I can't help but think how I've already "Been there done that" and now have fucked that up.

“People so seldom say I love you And then it's either too late or love goes. So when I tell you I love you, It doesn't mean I know you'll never go, Only that I wish you didn't have to.”

To No One In Particular.

So last night I was laying in bed, listening to music instead of watching television shows. It was nice, I really had a lot of time to think about things, and oh how I love to use the phrase, taking things into perspective. I thought, maybe I should get out of bed and write a couple letters, to some people that I've had a "rough time" with, and believe me, for some that is putting it lightly. But then laziness succumbed me, and I said, it's 3am and I need to get some sleep, but against everything I stand for, I didn't jot down a note on what I was thinking on a little green sticky note, or write it on my hand, but simply said I'll remember...

I always like laying down when my room is all clean and tidy, with the music playing, soft music, easy listening if you will, like Norah Jones or Michael Buble. Sometimes it's the song lyrics that get me thinking, other times I feel like the tune of the song was written for me, playing out during my life. Some songs I cannot listen to because, I know it sounds very feminine but they remind me of people, places, and things that I do not want to remember. For example the song Broken by Lifehouse, usually brings tears to my eyes, even though it talks about how he lost someone that he is in love with, I had chosen to play it during my brother's funeral service, and whenever I hear it I usually think of being there, and I just don't enjoy it all that much.

"The broken clock is a comfort, that helps me sleep tonight, maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time..." - Lifehouse (Broken)

I think it's quite amazing the effect that songs have on everyone, because some like the one listed above, can cause people to cry with sadness over missing a loved one. While others can cause people to cry with joy, or laugh with a lot of emotion. Even though I probably shouldn't admit it, while I was young my father always enjoyed listening to Donna Summer and one song that when played, makes me giggle, and remember all the fun times I used to have with my brother and my dad driving in the car together. My dad telling us that if we didn't sing a certain verse of the song that he would not drive us to the mall, I always enjoyed singing though and looking like fools together made it all the more funny and memorable.

"MacArthur's park is melting in the dark, all the sweet green icing flowing down, someone left the cake out in the rain, I don't think I can take it cause it took so long to bake it, and I'll never have that recipe again..." - Donna Summer (MacArthur Park)

Even though, as time goes by, it gets harder and harder to remember these memories, I'll always have my pictures, and I'm sure everyone can agree that when you listen to a certain song, while looking at the pictures, you may remember even more of what happened. It's very odd, but always fun to do.

Whatever the case, songs always have an odd effect on me, making a grin on my face, sometimes a frown, other songs I don't really react to (rarely occurs though) just because I guess I haven't made a memory with that song... Yet.

I've always wanted to write a letter to my dad. In reference to everything he has done, but then I feel as if I'm being a little unfair, so then I changed my focus from everything to the last 5 years (Divorce to present time). Though I have written many letters I never sent them, I always gave myself a reason for not sending them though, and just this year, I lit them all on fire after reading them one last time. Thinking to myself, in 4 years, absolutely nothing has changed. The problems if not all the same have persisted to worsen. But in any case, I wasn't going to address that, because, if in 4 - 5 years you cannot change something so negative about yourself, than it's likely it will never change.

I've given it a lot of thought though, and I think this is something that I would like to say to him, or something along these lines;

It amazes me how I can be so open with you, sharing stories, giving and getting advice on situations, but when something doesn't go your way, you completely turn the other cheek. Purposely having Christmas Eve at your apartment, getting gifts for every niece and nephew (not that gifts really matter to me) and not think that there is any problem with me not being there. We have gotten in an argument concerning the final arrangements of my brother. I was told "If this doesn't happen, I will never forgive you" and I don't mean to sound as if I'm older and more mature (even though in a way I feel that) but one would think that after losing a son, you'd be quite adamant about having a relationship with your other two children. Not the case. So I just wanted to sum it up by saying, if you don't want to have a relationship with me, that's fine, I won't be crying in the corner over how my father refuses to talk to me, but just know, one day your here, and the next your gone, so don't come to my funeral and weep over me, because in your eyes, I'm already gone.

I feel like if I include a little bit of song lyrics, and maybe some parts of different poems I could spice it up a bit. But for the most part that is what I would want to say to him... So on to the next one!

I've always watched romance movies and honestly, would laugh at them. The idea of finding "the one" person your supposed to live your life with, sounded so ridiculous to me. I always asked myself do I believe in love at first sight? Can that really happen? Even though some may point out that it would be premature to say that it can, I am a strong believe in this, and to this day still think that I have found the one. I just hope that in the end the love that we had, will be stronger than all the bullshit going on. I really can't say any more without repeating myself, so that's my piece. With all my love....

I never thought that at age 19, I'd be where I am in life. Quite surprising....

"And today was a day just like any other..." - Jack's Mannequin (I'm Ready)